Book. Cape Cod. Cocaine...and some how a light.

I'm leaving for Spring Break today. We had a cluster duck of confusion last night getting things squared away but now the guys are showering and I'm in need of some Jesus time. I will be staying with my friends Heron and Joe in Cape Cod. My teacher assigned me to read an entire book over the break. Ugh. Last night the truth came out about our stop along the way. Something to do with cocaine. oh great. God, please give me strength. Somehow I'm a light. It would be so easy to just ignore the drugs but its their souls that are at stake let alone their lives. Oh I like that so much. My brokenness exposed my light. Remain broken and remain humble and the light will be evident. Help me Lord to walk in your light that I would not be found a liar. Help me not Keep my Christianity in the basement of my life. I am so still awe struck from the relevance of this in my life. Of my salvation. Of my love for You and most of all how relevant and abundant your love for me. Sometimes it feel like You meet me here where I am with no judgment but only encouragement and peace. Be near God. Take a stand in my life. Be my backbone. Help me to honor my inheritance.

Jesus the Standard, Jesus my Advocate

I talked to God today. Audible, humbly, claiming my eternal life and that nothing can pluck me from his hand. *sigh* It true, based on all I've learned in the last few years, not honoring Jesus is dishonoring to God. God Judges the secrets of men by Jesus Christ. The word...which says even my thoughts condemn me. But believing in Jesus gains me advocacy and eternal life. I used to be embarrassed to share my faith, for so long it was always a challenge people felt I was looking down on them. Not the case so I spent a year trying to buffer this, not realizing all I was accomplishing was learned compromise to make my life easier. UGH! Now Ive been trained to run away from waves. Now Im relearning to "talk", "my reformers" as I call them are helping me to practice talking. Its been great. Christ is returning to the forefront of my communication. Help me God be transparent, Honest , sincere......

Freedom means I have to make decisions

Do I want to be Healed? No not really I like having a reason to explain my struggling and my anxiety. He is the solution. I know this. For my sickness and my struggle...and anxiety. Anxiety is not my master, Jesus is. What good is it for Jesus to heal us if we are going right back to dancing with the devil and playing with the fire that burned us before (2 Peter 2:19-22)? ...True. My illness is aiding in my correctness before God. Freedom means that I cant go back. Sometimes I want my freedom to go back but thats why I'm still sick. I cant do it. Jesus knows. God I want to be sick forever if that means I can be honoring to you but i Know somewhere inside this body is the greatness you designed not suppressed by illness but alive in the truth about You.

Unjustifiably Justified

It could be that my blood sugar is low but I didn't recognize the purpose of Jesus's analogies. I always like the bridegroom reference. The pharisee were wondering why the disciples did not have to fast and Jesus was like cause its a party and I'm the party and I will be leaving soon. Ah! the balance! He's saying there being legalistic and the point is the purity of your heart and transparency before God. Grace alone but Honoring God. O00o0o0o0 new covenant! Exciting. Im so thankful for Grace but I understand seeing other who are better people than me who are not saved and it almost seems easier to try and justify my self. I know I cant. Trying seem trivial as well. That balance is hard. Holy Spirit Help Me be unjustifiably justified and honoring in light of that knowledge.

The Wavering We.

I have always liked the "church is not a showcase for saints but a hospital for sinners" cliche. I like it more now when you explain the point of the hospital. The goal is to get well. I'm waiting to see God call the humble sinners around me. I'm tired of the wavering struggling already called. Were so pathetic. ugh!

Steps for those who can't

The multi-perspective testimony is still so cool. I can imagine the responses of the people being recorded in the minds of the disciples. JD says its worth it to take the steps others cant to get them to Jesus. I was initially frightened by this idea then remember the means provided for me to aid in this step making like. Sermon audio, all the resources I have like sermons and hand out from youth group. I need to review and then distribute.

Healing Complacency

This is also a story I am personally familiar with. Its easy to run to God when your sick when your healed that's when complacency sneaks in. You forget who your serving and the humbleness dies, you forget who redeemed your soul that you might live. I "need to let" my "life show that" I "have been healed". Lord Help me not go overboard when I'm healed and help me to remember after and act according. Sometimes I forget to talk to God in my quiet time. I talk about him and to him in public but my private life is suffering. Lord help me return to the "Secret place" where I can worship You and talk to You. Jesus intercedes for me and I don't even use him. :( Help me be obedient. Help me help me help me. I want to make You so proud. Help me to do so.