Book. Cape Cod. Cocaine...and some how a light.

I'm leaving for Spring Break today. We had a cluster duck of confusion last night getting things squared away but now the guys are showering and I'm in need of some Jesus time. I will be staying with my friends Heron and Joe in Cape Cod. My teacher assigned me to read an entire book over the break. Ugh. Last night the truth came out about our stop along the way. Something to do with cocaine. oh great. God, please give me strength. Somehow I'm a light. It would be so easy to just ignore the drugs but its their souls that are at stake let alone their lives. Oh I like that so much. My brokenness exposed my light. Remain broken and remain humble and the light will be evident. Help me Lord to walk in your light that I would not be found a liar. Help me not Keep my Christianity in the basement of my life. I am so still awe struck from the relevance of this in my life. Of my salvation. Of my love for You and most of all how relevant and abundant your love for me. Sometimes it feel like You meet me here where I am with no judgment but only encouragement and peace. Be near God. Take a stand in my life. Be my backbone. Help me to honor my inheritance.

Jesus the Standard, Jesus my Advocate

I talked to God today. Audible, humbly, claiming my eternal life and that nothing can pluck me from his hand. *sigh* It true, based on all I've learned in the last few years, not honoring Jesus is dishonoring to God. God Judges the secrets of men by Jesus Christ. The word...which says even my thoughts condemn me. But believing in Jesus gains me advocacy and eternal life. I used to be embarrassed to share my faith, for so long it was always a challenge people felt I was looking down on them. Not the case so I spent a year trying to buffer this, not realizing all I was accomplishing was learned compromise to make my life easier. UGH! Now Ive been trained to run away from waves. Now Im relearning to "talk", "my reformers" as I call them are helping me to practice talking. Its been great. Christ is returning to the forefront of my communication. Help me God be transparent, Honest , sincere......

Freedom means I have to make decisions

Do I want to be Healed? No not really I like having a reason to explain my struggling and my anxiety. He is the solution. I know this. For my sickness and my struggle...and anxiety. Anxiety is not my master, Jesus is. What good is it for Jesus to heal us if we are going right back to dancing with the devil and playing with the fire that burned us before (2 Peter 2:19-22)? ...True. My illness is aiding in my correctness before God. Freedom means that I cant go back. Sometimes I want my freedom to go back but thats why I'm still sick. I cant do it. Jesus knows. God I want to be sick forever if that means I can be honoring to you but i Know somewhere inside this body is the greatness you designed not suppressed by illness but alive in the truth about You.

Unjustifiably Justified

It could be that my blood sugar is low but I didn't recognize the purpose of Jesus's analogies. I always like the bridegroom reference. The pharisee were wondering why the disciples did not have to fast and Jesus was like cause its a party and I'm the party and I will be leaving soon. Ah! the balance! He's saying there being legalistic and the point is the purity of your heart and transparency before God. Grace alone but Honoring God. O00o0o0o0 new covenant! Exciting. Im so thankful for Grace but I understand seeing other who are better people than me who are not saved and it almost seems easier to try and justify my self. I know I cant. Trying seem trivial as well. That balance is hard. Holy Spirit Help Me be unjustifiably justified and honoring in light of that knowledge.

The Wavering We.

I have always liked the "church is not a showcase for saints but a hospital for sinners" cliche. I like it more now when you explain the point of the hospital. The goal is to get well. I'm waiting to see God call the humble sinners around me. I'm tired of the wavering struggling already called. Were so pathetic. ugh!

Steps for those who can't

The multi-perspective testimony is still so cool. I can imagine the responses of the people being recorded in the minds of the disciples. JD says its worth it to take the steps others cant to get them to Jesus. I was initially frightened by this idea then remember the means provided for me to aid in this step making like. Sermon audio, all the resources I have like sermons and hand out from youth group. I need to review and then distribute.

Healing Complacency

This is also a story I am personally familiar with. Its easy to run to God when your sick when your healed that's when complacency sneaks in. You forget who your serving and the humbleness dies, you forget who redeemed your soul that you might live. I "need to let" my "life show that" I "have been healed". Lord Help me not go overboard when I'm healed and help me to remember after and act according. Sometimes I forget to talk to God in my quiet time. I talk about him and to him in public but my private life is suffering. Lord help me return to the "Secret place" where I can worship You and talk to You. Jesus intercedes for me and I don't even use him. :( Help me be obedient. Help me help me help me. I want to make You so proud. Help me to do so.

Who am I?

I have been guilty of this same doubt as Peter and guilty of listening not for obedience sake but only when I'm certain it leads to success by my worldly understanding. Ive had that same Peter Moment when I realized I only listened to God when I'm certain it leads to good things but what about those moments when your tried all day to make some good and then Jesus says try one more time. I usually flake because all my energy was wasted from doing nice but trivial things. This epiphany hit like a rock to the stomach. Who am I? A sinful man as Peter exclaims. Ugh! I feel myself change everyday, My thoughts are not the same. I know its because of the Word of God. This is encouraging.

Preaching and healing.

I never realized that Jesus healed outside of the specific incidents recorded. The passage states that he "healed" all through Galilee, hen Decapolis, and from Jerusalem and Judea, and from beyond the Jordan. That's some serious ministry and exposure. The cool thing is ever step of the way he was disciplining as well. Had a rather trying day yesterday. My friend left school because of a very serious mental illness. I'm prayer for her now. God please call Mimi. Give her Peace in her mind that she can see the clearly your wondrousness. My heart aches for her. Reveal to her how disruptive her drug use is. She is a good friend...teach her Lord what real love is and help her not feel regret as she transitions from the relationship mistakes she has made.

Clean Hands and Pure Hearts

The Cross references of the gospels is pretty "Hot". I like the added affirmation that these events were actual experienced events and actual miracles Jesus performed during his ministry. Oooooo this was encouraging today. Im not sure if its the sugar from the twizzler I ate or a roaring sense of accomplishment but I feel exponentially better than I did earlier today and the encouraging "Royal priesthood" talk is getting me all excited. God opposes the proud and gives grace to the humble. Resist the devil and he will fell. God Please Help me resist and draw ear to you. Help me keep my hands clean and my heart pure.

My Friends...

Thank you! Unbelievers are not the enemy. There just tools being used as I was once as an enemy of God.The more I understand about the way God works and how sin is deceitful the more obvious the captivity of the unbeliever. The truth exposes the enemy in my friends lives, the deceit about their life. Hate the Sin not the sinner is one of my dads favorite quote.

Heart Abandoned...

I used to be confused on how I can be at art school and still be in the soul occupation. Now that I'm here I see that its prime fishing. Everyone here is so scholarly and seeking truths. The problem is how delineated Jesus and sin are. This is definitely a different stream of fishes but I feel God preparing me everyday for something. I want my work to radiate truth, conviction and God. Help me Lord with my personal ministry . Help this occupation radiate my being. Help me to do everything with excellence and be observant of all that youre teaching me. Help me to love people so much I have to tell them. Help me to ACT OUT for You motivated by Your love for me and my Love for others.

Hmmmmm....

I swear I wrote one for the 12th now im confused. Writing at 3:00am might be cheating but this is the only time I have. Can I take a moment to tell ya'll about my day.
8:00 answer Phone for mom
9:00 get ready for Chapel
10:00 breakfast and leave for Chapel
11:00-12:30 Chapel
12:30-1:00 Discussion group with Luke about tuesday presentations
1:00-5:50 Work in woodshop
5:50-6:00 FIND FOOD
6:00-9:00 Art history Chinese Film series requirement for Chinese course.
9:30-2:00 Take home QUIZ Essay answers
2:00-3:00 Dinner and blog
UHGGGGHHHH!

On for the post for the 12th I recall writing about the significance of the spiritual circle and really defining your "eternity friends" by it. Those who stick are stuck for Good other wane and disrupt. The circle move (thank God) further away from them but I hope it draws them. Im sad to see them fall apart but I think this will eventually lead them to God. They dont ask me for advise anymore. The truth hurts. :/

His Purpose Kept By The Faithful.

We do indeed walk by faith and not by sight. That's for sure. Not to sound bitter but if I was relying on signs and wonders from God for my faith I'd be closer to an atheist by now. My eyes say struggle but through the eyes of Christ its perseverance for something greater. And As Paul said in Romans "perseverance lead to character and character hope and hope does not put us to shame because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us". This I know. This I have seen over and over gain. This is my sign. :)

Catch-up for the 10th

I'm looking forward to "Everyone who believes in him will not be put to shame". The first time in my life I actually said well if your a good person..then I stopped and yelled no no not if your just a good person. That's not the truth. Its been a while since I spoke with God, even though Ive been reading the word everyday. Believe me we had a talk tonight and after the whole good person thing. Sometimes I get scatterbrained with the message and all the verb-age I have. Keeping it simple may be the key here as well: Repent and believe.

TRUTH...

Why is is that God allows people not of the kingdom (Maybe even Anti-Kingdom) over Christians. I remember when Chris Cohen and my dad were having trouble with their bosses at work. My adviser is so awesome in every other way except he is Atheist. UH! In our class, Art in the Age of Digital Recursion we are discussing Video before the digital age when TV and Recording was done by Analog computers. The signal that is recorded is very volatile and difficult to tame it to get the Imgae but initial what you get is a reflexive medium that requires no visual input because it reads some sort of energy signal from the room or the signal itself. Very dense stuff. Hard reading. I 100% believe that there is a whole bunch in our air waves that we cant see. I made that very clear and explained my side as well as the author of our books side. Im alone and continuity shot done because Im super spiritual about everything. I cant help it. You would think with all the new age crap other people would be about it too. Im very logical its their philosophy here sucks. Something like a series of delusions sewn together in my consciousness as experiences...
:/ then whats the point?
So for now I suffer for his sake. And soon the truth will rise.

Word from Walner Bible to Baroque

Back to my friend. If Jesus did it to me he can definitely use her and I know he is. A small conversation we had made an obvious impact on our friend. We were talking about real love. A mothers love and God's love. Our friends is skeptical of family and in denial that love exists. We said Well that's why you don't believe in love..your family sucks and you don't know Jesus. Harsh but true. She took it well because Today I found a bible in her room and a book of short stories on love. Hahahaha she's thinking. Gods using Liz like he uses me even when I still suck.

Secondly, Ive been having a rough time adjusting to the work load. I am worried I cant do it...it kind of a heavy load. Today I for got to eat. arg. its just been a long week. When Im not in class in reading when im not reading im sleeping. My friend Walner came over tonight to study and told me to read Matthew. BAHHHHHH! God just used Walner to encouraged me.

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?

Real?

I want to be a real person and I pray that I am. Sometimes at the risk of being real Ive noticed I compromise and compromise is not real. I'm robbing people of the transforming truth of God. I'm glad its his word that calls then and not my unfaithful life. This is ironic. That the story that I once rededicate my life because is the heaviest conviction Ive felt in years. Many people believed because of her testimony. I gave my testimony at a trouble girls camp when I was with house of power about when I realized the weight of my sin. Oh they ate it up and for the first time I felt like I was part of something great. Every year at summer camp the following years never changed. I was still battling this thing. Mrs Sue asked me why I thought my testimony was the same every year. I honestly believe it was complacency. I had to be completely broken before I knew to not go back again. Same sin different story all the time. Last night my roomie drove me to Walmart and Wegmans (I love Wegmans). She confessed that she felt broken and the use of her sex life was ruining her life. She told me she went to church on Sunday. I smiled and asked what she thought. She says "I like it and want to go back...not because it was nice but because for once I feel okay with God".

waiting, fading, floating....Away

I like that Just because Im tired now doesent mean that the whole movement of God in my life is tired and exhausted. The moment is mine the movement is His. OoOoOo I like relating the level of your commitment to God to the depth of your intellect. Are you deep enough to hold the truth of Christ or deep enough to accept this truth in a scholarly or philosophical way. Ah? Nice! I really like in the reading how blunt Jesus was with her. He said basically yeah redemption is for the Jews but God wants who ever want Him. You game?

Not Feeling So Heroic...

Im waiting for you Lord...please dont turn your face from me...my sin is heavy I need your Mercy. Fill me Lord so there is no room for sin anymore. Lord is my keeper. The Lord IS my keeper. Help me Lord to be kept. Im thankful that my best willpower is as filthy rags and that its Christ in me. CHANGE MY HEART. KEEP IT LORD.