Freedom means I have to make decisions

Do I want to be Healed? No not really I like having a reason to explain my struggling and my anxiety. He is the solution. I know this. For my sickness and my struggle...and anxiety. Anxiety is not my master, Jesus is. What good is it for Jesus to heal us if we are going right back to dancing with the devil and playing with the fire that burned us before (2 Peter 2:19-22)? ...True. My illness is aiding in my correctness before God. Freedom means that I cant go back. Sometimes I want my freedom to go back but thats why I'm still sick. I cant do it. Jesus knows. God I want to be sick forever if that means I can be honoring to you but i Know somewhere inside this body is the greatness you designed not suppressed by illness but alive in the truth about You.